tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1177238612955660175.post3950693111876901414..comments2023-03-26T08:43:26.105-07:00Comments on Mungo Estate: How Do You Help An Addict In Handcuffs?James Easthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12209573779471944292noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1177238612955660175.post-81856670853019403612011-01-05T10:18:26.735-08:002011-01-05T10:18:26.735-08:00hmm this was an eyeopener, and I appreciate that. ...hmm this was an eyeopener, and I appreciate that. This creates awareness of a real problem, and that's good.Ayvaunn Pennhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00302211820200221868noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1177238612955660175.post-91179949951365733592011-01-04T22:31:56.584-08:002011-01-04T22:31:56.584-08:00An interesting post. When it comes to criticizing ...An interesting post. When it comes to criticizing something (and we'll go over this more when it comes to review and critique), I think it's always best to offer some suggestions on how the thing being criticized could be more effective.<br /><br />I don't agree with Liann that it was overly wordy. Or if she thought so, maybe it's because that your article relies overly on passive voice. I found 14 examples in this one article.<br />- are notoriously easy<br />- are incredibly ineffective<br />- are funded<br />- I am simply<br />- is something <br />- which will be accepted<br />- would be in prison <br />- and yet be prisoners<br />- It isn't hard <br />- they are going up against. <br />- Addicts aren't rational<br />- There's a reason<br />- that's because<br />- is that we are<br /><br />In each case, the sentences could have been re-worded to use an action verb, making your voice more authoritative, persuasive, and powerful. Think, how would you go about re-working the sentences I pointed out? If you need help, please see me.Daniel Villarrealhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14360421037906064023noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1177238612955660175.post-51219127030312218752011-01-04T20:52:26.806-08:002011-01-04T20:52:26.806-08:00This was interesting and well done, but a little w...This was interesting and well done, but a little wordyLiannhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14690752625966866462noreply@blogger.com